dream world

i now live with 60+ incredible people in southern california. each day we learn about the programs involved with Invisible Children & prepare for life on the road. in 2 weeks two ugandans will join us in the office and on the road to share their stories involving the war.

its hard to describe exactly what i'm doing everyday. it includes tons of learning and tons of studying. being around tons of young people who are driven by the desire to live for something greater than themselves. each individual has their own story of realization that we can give back and inspire others to go after the dreams in their hearts. not only do they desire to live for something greater, they also have already experienced amazing things. traveling to other continents, lobbying for the IC bill to pass, sleeping outside the Oklahoma goverment building, teaching in other countries - I am no doubt around some of the most epic & determined individuals i've ever met. theres no doubt in my mind that i'm around future world changers.

i can only thank God for giving me this opportunity. i am determined to work as hard as i can. i'll continue to update you on my life.

i love you all.

Shocked

Surprise cannot articulate my feelings right now. One moment can change your life completely & that moment happened to me last night at 845pm. As of now, I am a Roadie for Invisible Children. This time tomorrow, I'll be in San Diego, California to do what might be one of the most significant moments in my life and in the lives of people in Uganda. Lets end this war.

www.invisiblechildren.com
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovement/National_Tour

what is the word that is beating in your heart?

tried to take a break from over thinking all the time. instead i just lived life and did exactly what was in front of me. reading books helps me get away from the thoughts in my head and into another place where my life is not really that big of a deal.

one book is "eat pray love" by elizabeth gilbert. granted, i have read this book before but this time around is more valuable i think. this time i can relate to her more than before. like the author, i am in a place of drastic change, uncertainty about my life, my personal self and where i will go each day. my path is quite dark and unknown and i dont think that there is an error in this fact. it is just the way my life is for now. and i have accepted that.

one part that stuck out to me is when gilbert has a conversation with her friend about the one word that defines people or places. in the book, Rome (where gilbert is currently residing) is defined by the word "Sex" - it is what runs the town, runs the people and oozes from every pore this Italian city holds. for new york, gilbert says it is "succeed" and for her own self she says she'll figure out what word she is at the end of her year long journey.

it got me thinking about what word would describe me right now. i thought about "laugh" - uh no not all encompassing, "adjustment" - ehhhhh nope, "seek" - doesn't quite hit the spot. and then it came to me like a light bulb turning on...

Desire.

most people correlate this to sexual needs but that is not the route i'm taking here. no no im talking the definition of the word itself - free from any connections. a longing for something. a need in all aspects of life. discontent until there is a change. when i see the word discontent i wonder if there is anything wrong with that. this place i'm in is not where i'd ideally be if everyone got to live in a world of rainbows and butterflies but here i am and this is where i'll be. i desire truth. i desire friendships. i desire depth in my walk of life. i desire more challenge. and yet i desire comfort. socially, emotionally, and mentally i have desire written across my eyelids and entangled in my heart.

and thats all i can really elaborate for now.

finer with age?

i like that the news talks about a suspected Russian spy. it makes me feel like the espionage movies are actual real life events. granted, i never want to be a member of the CIA or anything like that because i personally enjoy being honest about my life. but the fact that there are actual spies out in the world??? i LOVE it!!! hopefully i never fall in love with one because that would mean he's either A. not into committment & honesty or B. i will probably die in the end. either way - we both lose in the long run. NO. ME. GUSTA.

i guess movies and books bring about this intense desire for something out of the ordinary to occur in our lives. i think thats why i love to read all the time. i can enter into a persons world of drama and not have the reprocautions of their bitchin tudes in my life. i can also create even more unfeasable "What if?" situations in my head and imagine what would happen because of the creativity in movies. i love that even with the slightest form of imagination our brains can come alive and create thoughts that may not have ever occured without the primary inspiration.thats why we indulge in all of it. our brains love to create new thought!

with that in mind, i also wonder about how we as people seem to change over the years. we go from excited to apathetic in 5-10 years. i want to find inspiration in my post-collegiate days. i am thinking this is the time to see the deep meaningful aspects of life. fun is good and great and i want all of it i can get. there is also something very rich about experience, wisdom, knowledge, hardwork - all that i am excited to figure out. i guess i'm in that awkward middle place where i'm freshly out of college and still wish for fun, but i also know that i'm entering into a place of different experiences. what i can do is just try to keep the brain active. try to find fun & meaningful aspects of each day.

i'm going to commit to the saying "good things get finer with age". who says wine is the only thing that can fit into that category?

sow in tears

i am not one to blast people with verses in order for them to get the picture, but this is once again a post for my own benefit. why? because this reminder will bring truth and growth through an uneasy time. thank you stephanie.

1When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
2Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
3The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.
4Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negeb!
5 Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
6He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him.

-psalm 126

baby baby baby

I think, therefore, that for those who are pulled away from their familiar surroundings and brought into a strange land where they feel again like babies, the LORD offers a unique chance not only for personal conversion but also for authentic ministry. — Henri Nouwen

what do i have to say to in response to this?

ummmm goo goo ga ga? give me my pacifier, cuz this baby named Meagan Leigh is brand new to this world of Columbia, SC and everything that it has to offer. and lets be honest with each other, it isn't easy. it is not comfortable. it is lonely. but yet i know for certain that there will be release from the baby world and into maturity. all i have to do is believe and have faith that patience will bring life and it will be a perfect surprise for this wee little heart of mine.

a dreamers optimism

at the start of my new life - aka out of college and into reality, i have been given the advice to dream as big as i can & to ask "whats next"? with this in mind, i'm now off to start looking for a future. yes, going back to school is a step which means the GRE, the resume writing, the CV, the transcripts, the applications, etc. etc. but before that i want to give my time to someone else. even after heartbreak and set backs, there is a true desire to keep from being stagnant. some may think that this optimism is silly or not realistic. but aren't the people who are crazy enough to believe in the ability to find new dreams the ones who we see making all the difference?

i am committed to continue searching, dreaming, and asking what is next.