Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I don't know why I, or anyone for that matter, seem to hit hypothetical "walls" in our lives.

Writers call it a "block in thought"
Athletes call it a "burn out"
Musicians are "uninspired"
Christians go through "spiritual deserts"
Marriages go through "rough patches"

There are so many types of people & phrases that match their haults in the flow of life. I have been the athlete, I am a christian, and right now I'm primarily an acitivist and philanthropist. There is a place that our lives hit when the honeymoon or the newness fades & the true fight & committment come into play. Don't get me wrong, I don't try to put people's lives & trials into tightly wrapped & easily define key words, but work with me here. I don't know much and I've experienced only a small amount of trials, but I find that the hault in ease of whatever situation you are in brings about reflection & questioning.

What do these times do for our overall well being? Can we look at our hardships & change with them? Do I have to question everything?

I've been told I think way too much. I admit that it's true. I ask a lot of questions. I analyze my situations. I wonder about future outcomes. Sometimes it hinders my actions, sometimes I'm not present, but many times it helps to see past my current situation & change my perspective. In the midst of physical fatigue & mental exhaustion, I really want to break down this wall. If I don't question my experiences & how to reach a better understanding of the world & people, then what will I learn? I want to believe in the idea that I can change for the better. If a 22 year old girl can let go of frivolous anxieties, release judgement from her mind, and continue to learn more from the people around me, maybe that means change in a broader perspective can happen, too.

"Live a life that demands explanation"

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


there are only 3 weeks left of tour. i can't comprehend the time vortex we're living in while on the road. the best description i can give is that of an airplane. when you look at it from the ground it looks like it's moving slowly. once you're next to it, you can see the crazy speed of the engines blasting through the clouds.

even in the midst of waking up at 5:30am to drive to a high school and hang out all day, i still have time to think about different ideas or questions. some of the revolve around my role as a global citizen and as an activist. are we programmed to think that this is just a phase we go through when we're young and in our twenties? am i crazy to think we can change the world? will this be that one moment in time where i really did something with my life? i freakin' hope not! and i refuse to let it become a reality. a friend of mine who i met at IC wrote this paper about idealism and coincidentally enough, Ellie touches on everything i've wondered about but with so much more depth and support to back up her cause. is idealism dead?

i've also been watching numerous videos from RSAnimate. what they do is take a speech and animate drawings in order to better explain the information given. i'm slightly obsessed. this is my favorite so far: smile or die this video correlates to a lot of the struggles i've dealt with in my life. obviously i have not been laid off from a job or lost my family, but hardships happen to all people. basically she talks about how we create this false mentality about "attitude" and success and how they are tied to one another. what i love about this video is that she rejects the idea that staying positive will get you where you need to go. she stirs the pot with her opinions about losin' your bitter 'tude dude and always look for a way to think better!

we can't go through our lives with or faith, our religion, our jobs, our families with this mindset that if we just smile, everything will get better. we have to fight for what we think is right and best. we have to go through the bad and the ugly in order to see clearer. i hate the idea of never allowing yourself to process, think, debate, and fight with ideas or situations.

i want to understand how to disagree and also learn from disagreeing with someone. there is so much depth you can reach when you commit to the mentality that no matter how long you disagree, you will come out with a conclusion, an answer, or a better understanding of each other.

i think that is what i' m learning on the road. there is such beauty in difference. and there is real life in what doesn't come easily.