i do not know. that is my conclusion.
dont know what? i'm unsure of that either.
depending on our upbringing, we may have been taught to think there are specific answers and "right" ways of going about life. not true. we can create ideals of what we think may be the best option, but all you're doing is pretending to figure out the answers to life. i keep seeing the world around me make less sense than it did before. the more i meet people from different parts of the world, the more i realize i cannot fit my hopes of an answer into any box that every person can unwrap. some people aren't even supposed to get boxes - they may be the gift bag type. so how do i deal with that? once again - i do not know.
while sitting on a rock wall, i look out at a dam - the water is streaming over the edge and creating white foam that billows and then dissipates. huge chunks of ice fall to their shattering death and i secretly hope they'll stay in tact simply because hoping is a helpful thing to do. as i watch this constant flow of cresting water, to creation of foam, to cracking sheets of ice, my brain resonates over and over like a simple pulse - you do not know. there is no right answer. there is no resolution. but i am not brought down by this. no, its almost like i am that sheet of ice - i crest over the dam and my thoughts break into many pieces, all separate and yet all in the same water, coming from the same place of origin. this shattering is not a death that ends all thought - it is the death of the binding thought that says there is only one way to go about life. we are meant to shatter - to float different places and to continue letting these paths bring us towards more horizons and more reasons to see the world as not a tightly confined path of yes, no, right and wrong. we're all just floating, crashing, coming together, breaking apart, separating, and rejoining - or maybe not! i do not know. :)