rain...continued

to add on to my last post. tragedies surround us. yes. this is inevitable. and for some strange and not so abnormal reason (in my opinion) i am somehow "ok" of that. not in a "wah wah wah i'll be a martyr all my days" but in an acceptance that allows myself to be hurt and let the pain happen but not to dwell in the darkness. each blow to the heart or the soul or the mind can lead you down different paths. some people choose the route of lifelong bitterness. we become cynics or critics or just simply closed off. 

there is another side to the tragic. there is redemption. there is the balancing out of all that happens. in each heartbreak we are learning more about who we are. if we choose to express what has happened to us, what we have seen, felt, heard -- then maybe others can see that they aren't the only ones who have felt duped, kicked to the curb, lost, mistreated, you name it.

over and over again i keep hearing that the best way to live is by just going for it. again and again. because i see that its not about figuring everything out but by continuing to try. why give up on the search for connection when you've been let down in the past by promising people? don't you learn with each interaction and experience with someone? it is so hard to keep going. it is so difficult to keep trying when you are dealing with loss. it is so hard to want to try to care again when someone has broken your heart. it is such a challenge to open up your deepest thoughts to another when you've lost a best friend or a boyfriend. its so hard to allow yourself to express dedication to another when you've seen someone freak out about commitment. it is so hard to lose sight of what has happened in the past. 

...but our tragedies remind us of this - with each death comes a new life. and that new life will bring an understanding of all the pain. you gotta believe me.