Thursday, July 16, 2009

a swift orderly change

i'm driving down the road, trees blurring into a green and brown haze, a cigarette resting between my index and middle finger is slowly burning, 'title and registration' is blaring from my speakers. as the light changes from red to green i think to myself "these are the happiest days of my life so far".

while sitting and resting i have found that i am connected to many things. the birds that make a nest in my porch's columns are my friends - even though they take flight in my presence, it is their constant coming and going that makes each day a routine.

my conversations with the holy father are a constant buzz of questions, statements, prayers, exclamations, jokes, and honest cries for help. jesus is such an interesting man to follow. derek webb's lyrics have challenged me to really think about what i'm saying, for i am reminded "from the over flow of the heart, the mouth speaks". the lord is challenging me to really look at what my heart is feeling, thinking, saying and in result what to do my words mean to others, but more importantly to my own self.

as the years pass and i continue to walk with the lord, i am more and more sure that this relationship we have is true. it is not a result of being around the "right" people or the "safe" community. it is real and not just a fling...he is the epicenter of who i am. i am because he already is. and that is a beautiful realization.

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