as the dust settles

the fall 2010 tour has finished. but i am not done.

the only thing that seems to remain in my heart and head at this time is the feeling after the party, after the race, after the finish line ribbon has been broken. you know, when you look around and the confetti is rustling on the ground and there are smiles everywhere and people are looking into each other's eyes? that is how it is for me right now.

there's happiness and yet extreme exhaustion. we have worked so hard and now it's over. how are we finished? how have we done all of this and yet it feels like we got here yesterday? crazy. i don't know what my emotions say. if i choose to be vulnerable with you, i will tell you that there have been a lot of tears since i left san diego. its a mixture, actually. i don't know what just happened, i miss everyone there, seeing my friends from home makes my heart explode in happiness, & hugging my parents after a five month excursion. its all nuts.

i'm tired. i am quiet. i don't really know what to do with myself. i don't exactly know how to explain what all just happened.

right now my heart is kind of a jumble but i will tell you what i do know right now:
1. there is beauty in stability and there is beauty in change

Good point.

Invisible Children is trying to raise $1 Million Dollars by December 17th. I am apart of the group primarily trying to help raise the money to reach this goal. Our high schools & universities are busting their butts to help us. Needless to say, there is a lot of pressure on all of us who are participating, but we all agree that the goal is obtainable and we're going to do everything we can do to make it a reality. To help put the efforts in perspective and continue working hard without letting your mind get too wrapped up in the undefinable what ifs, I present to you the best advice I received:

"Pray and trust and don't spend too much time in the worry rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere" -Andrea Lowery.

Release

With every tough job or task you take on, there is a fight to overcome the desire to be celebrated, praised, and for me personally - the desire of being approved of by others.

We also fear humiliation, being forgotten, being wrong and in my life - fear of being corrected. My struggle with this idea is that if I am corrected then I am bad or a failure. How silly & false my concept of correction is! And the cool thing is that I am working through that & changing my perspective on correction. I can thank my friend James because he told me this: "Do not fear being corrected Meagan, fear when no one is willing to try to correct you." When we are so stuck in our ways & don't leave room for ourselves to grow, expand or change, we close our hearts off to any progression.

We work for a goal. Servitude is a place where we all need to strive to reach. For it is about letting others around you be raised up so that they can achieve things far greater than they perceived. When we take the time to help others move forward, we allow our hearts to be open to the unpredictability of change & growth even though we may not see it immediately.

That's what I've been learning lately.