On the Road with Invisible Children’s Tri-state Team

On the Road with Invisible Children’s Tri-state Team

If you want to know what my life is like since August of 2010, you must check this out. This perfectly depicts us in ways I can't really do.

alberto got it right

"The important thing is to not stop questioning." -Albert Einstein

you get blown away by experience and events and people and circumstances and then when your life comes to a screeching halt like the brakes on your volkswagen stopping for a bunny hopping across the street you feel like a mess of "who the hell am i"?

what is normal? what is abnormal? how can i gauge the change thats been going on in my life?

there are days when i literally feel like my body is disconnected from where i'm going and is separated into thought and questions. like i'm surrounded by a bubble of my own brain activity while simultaneously living out normal routine. i really can only say that what i have done for the past year has taken its toll on who i perceived "meagan shorey" to actually be. i don't operate the same way i used to. i dont really know how i operate at all. all i have is questions to figure out more and more about what actually is going on with me. is this what albert did? im sure he's a lot more creative with his questions seeing as how he, well, IS albert einstein. whatever.

i can't figure out where i stopped being who i was and started to be who i am now. maybe its just like the waves - the ebb and flow go with each other and form into one then split into two and you just start becoming this new wave without being aware. i'm a new jumble of a being. i am a traveler, a friend, an event planner, an activist, a quiet steady soul, an international connector, a giggling box of silly, an over-analytical worrier, a chatty cathy, an organizer, a quick wit...the list goes on.

all i know is that the meagan i knew is no longer and i'm still getting used to who i am now that life has slowed down...in a sense.

cars

as an internal and external processor i seem to always be thinking through many different topics and then also speaking about them to others. i literally feel like my head is a heavy trafficked highway in the major cities of the world. information comes into my brain, zooms by, flicks off the ideas that slow it down, honks the horn and slowly processed emotions, and gives a "thank you wave" to the light bulb moments that carry clarity with them on their flatbeds. all of this passes through the synapses like the dashed yellow lines of the road, into the tunnel that is called my throat and out to the world through words and spoken curiosities...

i can't fight who i am. i can't block up my thoughts and keep them swirling around. the bumper to bumper realities in my corpus callosum tie together the realities of the dreams to the wishes to the fears to the confidence to the wonder to the harsh truths to everything.

i am sad. i am joyful. i am quiet. i am a chatterbox.


once again on the verge of saying goodbye - all i can really think about are the experiences i've shared and all i can do is spend time with the people who have been apart of that. i find myself in pain because i know that i have opened up my heart to something powerful, something real, something life changing and yet here i am - on the cusp of turning over a new leaf. taking all of my things and packing up yet again, just like the 20 weeks on the road of this past year of my life.

crazy.

embracing the goodness. embracing the change. embracing the people who have been a huge part of it all. just trying to soak it all up for these last few moments.

...as a mule

There is reason to celebrate. There is reason to be happy and joyful and dance. We have worked so hard. We have given up hours and hours of our time to dedicate it all to people that we don't get to dance with, talk with, share meals with, or grow in a friendship with. But that doesn't mean we are not connected. 

I don't know where in my heart the desire to help people started. I don't really care to find the source, but only to continue letting it flow through my bloodstream, down into my hands and feet which lead me to act on what stirs me. It's not just about Invisible Children, or the 25 Event, or all of the amazing programs that are swirling around my life in a very real and credible way. One thing that keeps coming back to me is commitment. Even when I'm not surrounded by people who are on the road for 10 weeks, driving in a giant van with neon lettering, even when I'm not in an office stuffed to max capacity with bustling twenty-somethings with so much dedication, energy and focus - will I stay committed to what I am spending all of my energy on right now? 

One thing I've learned is that the easy side of life is good to feel, but when you don't know the depth to what you work for, the easy well runs dry. Genuine hearts are the people who have fought through their insecurities, misunderstandings, fears and came out alive and stronger. The fight to stay committed is what we all want to write about. We all want to live out the life that speaks louder than any eloquent phrase or perfected lyric. 

That beauty is found in our fight, in our dedication, in our stubbornness to get angry enough to truly care and see through change.

truth.

its there.

No one can take away what you've worked for, what you've done, what you've fought for. No one. 

clock is ticking

i think about love - feeling love, giving love, knowing you are loved - i wonder what it means to trust that you are loved. do you need constant affirmation? is it better to let yourself be free of it for spurts of time so you decide in your heart that people care & love you no matter what the length of time is?


am i lonely because i can't hear any buzz? are we isolated because we are unstimulated? do i worry about if i am cared for because i wasn't reminded a moment ago? 


love is not an instant message. love takes more than just an immediate jolt of affirmation. 
trust is the silence that you can find as a place of rest - not worry about who'll be talking to you next. 


maybe its about letting love resonate & sit & soak into your blood vessels so that you stand firm in the truth that you're worthy. isnt that what we all want to know? 


are. 
we. 
worthy? 


do you feel that way? do you doubt it? 

let us sit & start feeling the worthiness ooze into our hearts. do it.